Well here we are one more day into a blur. Yesterday was about the worst day I’ve had. Things got so bad by last night I knew I made a mistake. I tried to reduce my dosage too fast and it bit me in the rear. That’s what I get for thinking I know anything after two years of seriously debilitating medical problems. I now see that the rules are in place for a reason and I definitely made a mistake. I contacted my doctor yesterday and had further communication today on how to correct my error.
Ok that’s always fun admitting your an idiot first thing in the morning while feeling like you fell off a building and missed the soft spot. I for sure threw my body into a bad place somehow but at least I realized it. Hopefully the doc can correct my unwise decision and get me back on track. Still even through this horrible horrible experience my mind has gotten a bit more clear and I’ve been able to remain mostly positive. Now don’t get clear confused with working correctly. Clear just means I’m able to think a bit better and I’m more present in every day life. So I know we’re probably headed in the right direction, I just wanted to move a little too fast. I was starting to feel better and thought I could handle it. My bad on that one…
Woke up earlier than normal this morning. My stomach and gut have been way way out of control. It’s been fairly difficult to eat so I think that’s finally taking it’s toll on my body. My tremors, rigidity and pain have been kind of out of control too. My right side has shown further degraded movement. Haven’t been sleeping well if at all and been having horrible migraines. That’s some of what I’ve been feeling for a week or weeks now. I push through and get things done because I have no other choice. I’m miserable yet remain hopeful again so that’s a plus.
The most unfortunate part is my lack of motivation due to all the physical problems. The headaches are really bad at times but in general my mind is going wild wanting to do things. My body does not currently agree with my mind and that’s what’s the most maddening. I’ve been unable to get my mind and body on the same path. Either my body is good and my minds not well or the reverse like we kind of are currently. It’s can be seriously frustrating when I think about it. I just don’t know what else to do beside listen to the doctors at this point and stay hopeful.
I know this blog has had kind of a negative tone hanging over it but that’s not the case at all. All this is just testing, troubleshooting, figuring out my body and mind. I knew this wouldn’t be easy going into it that’s why I’m staying positive. This is a necessary step in me feeling better and being as well as I possibly can before things with the Parkinson’s get worse. I’m just very happy we’re finally trying something new or different no matter how bad it feels temporarily. I’ve been hesitant in the past but now I just want things to be better if at all possible. I’m tired and frustrated that my body and mind won’t work together if you haven’t already gotten that point. I just want to feel better and be more productive.
With that I think it’s time for a short rest and then a hard push to get things done today. I’ve got so much stacking up I’m loosing track of what actually needs done. Guess I better make a list, if I can remember, oh life if I don’t laugh at you I’d cry.
Thank you for sticking with me on my crazy and sometimes boring journey… I very much appreciate you all. Thank you so much for all the positive comments and private messages. They do help a lot more than most of you will ever know. Happy Tuesday and MUCH LOVE to EVERYONE!