I know I haven’t been posting much lately. That’s because I haven’t been doing much lately. The last couple months have been a hellscape of medications not working and unfortunately my body, mind and energy have taken a hard hit.
I’m sure it doesn’t come as a surprise that I see a therapist. We all have to talk stuff out right. In my situation I also have a medication specialist that works with my general doctor and my therapist to manage my medication not related to Parkinson’s. Then my neurologist prescribes my Parkinson’s medications. Well medication guy has been swapping me around on some medication for depression. I don’t feel depressed really, just anxious and worried. Sure I’m sad sometimes but aren’t we all? I was informed depression and anxiety go hand in hand. I just don’t feel that way. If I am depressed, the balance of depression to anxiety isn’t even close. I worry about what I think are normal things like how I’m going to survive, not crazy outlandish things. Anyway I went with the flow. We tried a couple of different new medications for “depression” and that was suppose to fix my anxiety. Good in theory but they didn’t work. It takes weeks to get into the system and weeks to get out. We tried two different ones both with horrible side effects on top of not working as intended. So now I’m on the downslope of getting this second one out of me. Two in a row that didn’t work, that’s all I could take. The second part was getting me off the anti-anxiety medication that I’ve been on for too long. I’ve wanted off and they want me off it’s just a dangerous medication that has to be reduced slowly. It’s not a long term medication and can cause problems if on it too long. So now I’m at half the dosage I was at just a few weeks ago, happy about that. My body has gone kind of haywire detoxing from the changes. I thought it was all good but I just had a couple good days. The past day has gone back to my body not wanting to function and being extremely tired. It will pass as the medications completely leave my system. I’m ok with all of this because my request was we take me off everything non-essential and start from there. See how I actually feel and work from that. The good news is I’ve been much more clear mentally, have been honestly happy even though I feel like crap and feel hopeful again. So even though things are rough there’s already positive things happening. I just want to get leveled out and see how things are… then I’ll better know if further medication is needed.
Most days right now are the same. I make a goal to get two or three things done and do my best to accomplish that goal. I can’t do much with my hands. In fact right now I’m pecking at the keyboard because my hands won’t type. As I said my body really hates me right now. Tremors, terrible rigidity and horrible pain but it will get better. Mentally I’m better but it’s still hard. Between daily chores, doctors, lawyers and other it zaps my energy fairly quick. Luckily I’ve got Dart to get me up and outside a few times a day to let him out. It’s good forced movement. I try to get some exercise in but I’m not getting enough. I’m still grieving for the loss of a loved one, so that does weigh heavy on me and will for a long time to come. My sleep is better but not great. I’m still not eating well, living off boost shakes and all natural low ingredient foods. It’s keeping me going so I’m grateful for that. Most days are spent on the couch with the heating pad between attempts to get things done.
All the things to get done. I still have to figure out how to fund the prescription dog food. Heater is still kicking but man that bearing is on it’s last leg. Still having a problem finding a repairman (this repair is being funded by VAST church in Sisters bless them), Found a new leak that I need to explore once the snow and ice melt. Nothing I can do right now. Assuming the roof of the RV will need coated in something this spring when it warms up. I have a massive amount of little tasks that need done. While trying to keep up with chores, doctors, lawyers and scheduling help errands. When I think about it all, it gets so overwhelming. Then on top of all that I need to find a way for Dart and I to survive for the who knows how long. I’m still waiting on a trial date for disability, that could take another 9 to 12 months if not more. So things are stressful and that’s not helping my body or mind at all. I’m always open to suggestions if somebody has any…
Currently I’m hurting and worn out already. Time to sit back and recharge before I try to get something done today. I just keep telling myself baby steps and you’ll get there eventually. With that, thank you for joining me on my journey. I wish everyone a wonderful week and much love to you all!