Oh boy it’s been many days. Firstly I want to apologize. I just needed some time to myself. I needed to process what’s going on with my family. I also needed some days to get the shed and rv cleaned up. I got to a good point and realized dang… I need to write a blog post so here we are!
Well fridge being mostly installed. Just some minor insulation and sealing to do once it warms up a bit more. So far so good, it’s been great having a fridge that actually stays a constant temperature.
The not so good is that now the heaters going out again. Yeah, I just want to bang my head against the wall over and over again. We just got the control board replaced, it was running great. Now from what I can tell a bearing in the blower motor is going out fast. I’m trying to find a repair man but haven’t had any luck yet. I’m going to start looking again on Monday.
Meds… oh meds. This is a crappy subject. I’m on some crap now that has me all confused about my feelings and emotionless basically. It’s horrible. It’s not really helping the problems it’s suppose to so I think this ones a bust too. I guess we’re going for round three. I knew this wouldn’t be easy but it is what it is, gotta keep pushing forward. We’ll find the right mix one of these days. I hope.
My dog Dart is better and has been acting better but last night had a bad medical event. So that had me worried. He’s better this morning but still. Never know and having little to no money most of the time really scares me. He is getting old and I’ve accepted that. I just want to be sure I can take care of him and give him a good remainder of life. I try my hardest. Our new thing is a walk every morning. Even when I don’t feel like it. We grab my buddies dog Holstein which Dart really enjoys and go for a short walk down the street and back. Most of the neighbors know me by now and tend chat with me from time to time. It’s nice being able to leave the property on my own and have a little freedom.
So if that last statement sounded weird. I don’t leave the property without being with someone, a friend, someone to watch out for me. I can get confused easily in stressful situations, I can’t currently drive and there’s a many number of medical events I could have and wouldn’t be able to care for my self or safety. So I can tell you from experience loss of personal freedom really sucks.
I’m trying to get back on a normal schedule. My stomach has been bothering me a lot. I haven’t been sleeping well if at all. Life has been kind of a crazy rollercoaster that’s just not fun. I hate fighting for energy every day and having to live with constant tremors, rigidity and pain. Those aren’t even the worst parts. I’ve still got hope but I’m really concerned. Mostly broke. Fairly depressed and frustrated. Life just isn’t really that great right now. I’m trying to work through it but it’s extremely challenging. I know I’ve been surviving but I’m starting to need things again and don’t know how I’m going to make it. People will tell me, “well it will be fine, there’s always a way”. Yes, but they’re not the scared person with the disability trying to find that way. The insecurity I feel is insurmountable.
Well the goals this week are to get in touch with my doctors about my current problems and struggles. Try to start eating more. Try to get the shed/shop and printers set back up but that’s so much work… I’m making progress but it’s so slow. I need to find someone to look at my heater. Update the lawyers and get updates from them. AND several other things that I probably won’t get done but I’ll give it my best go. Feel like every day I fall further and further behind. Heck I feel like a bad friend most of the time because I can’t keep up with everyone. It just feels like everything’s a mess right now.
I think I’m going to get some tea and try to relax and make a game plan for the day. I’d like to get at least a few things done. If you’re still here reading toss me a comment if on Facebook and know that I very much appreciate you sticking with me on my journey. The blogs not over, I just needed some time. Family stuff and loss is always hard to deal with. I think most all of us have been there… We’re gonna get back on track asap. So remember you are appreciated!!! and much love to you all!!!