Well if you’ve read any of my posts on Facebook, you’ll know where this ones going…
DENIED! for a second time (the appeal phase) for SSI (disability). I’m now getting close to two years of waiting. With no possibility of employment. Which means no income… I want the best for me, but from an employer standpoint I’m a HUGE liability. I have constant pain, balance and physical issues, cognitive issues, randomly pass out, have illusions and hallucinations. I mean there’s more but do I really have to keep going, I think the point is very clear. On a difficulty scale from 1 (easy) to 10 (impossible), writing this blog right now I’m at an 8… because my body barely wants to move, everything feels forced, my pain today is severe like most days (I won’t take pain medication but that’s another discussion), I’m foggy and keep getting confused. It’s horrible. I’m scared, depressed, angry, frustrated but all that said I haven’t lost hope. I’ll never loose hope. That doesn’t negate those other feelings or how they make having this disease even more difficult. Now we’re on to phase 3 of the disability determination process. As I learn more from my lawyers come Monday I will indeed update you all.
With that being said, my life is completely public. I’ll answer any question you have… I’m brutally honest about my feelings and thoughts. Right now for instance I feel so very blessed and even happy that I know so many of you care so much. I also feel all those other bad things too because good doesn’t always negate bad. They coexist within me at all time. You could say I’m nuts, a true Gemini or a normal person that’s been through a traumatic experience. Any which way every day is a roller-coaster of feelings.
I can say this with absolute certainty. Without all of you I would not be here in such decent spirits doing as well as I am currently. It’s ONLY because of your care, talks, donations and everything else that I’ve survived and possibly even thrived a little. So for that I want to thank you all. I’ll never have the right worlds to convey the massive amount of love I have for you all. Just know that if I do make it through this I’m dedicating what life I have left to giving back and helping others. That’s set in stone.
I’m keeping my mind busy this weekend 3D printing. So worry not, my little creation monster is keeping me busy which helps me maintain. I’ll post pictures as I get things done of course! I’m working hard to sell off things in order to expand this little hobby hopefully turns business for me.
As for everything else… I’m kind of taking it easy. I took a walk with the little guy the past two mornings. That’s helped me destress a bit. I NEED to start painting again today asap because that helps. It’s just so hard with my hands being difficult. BUT I’m going to do my best and try.
Again, thank you everyone for all the support and donations! I wish I could hug you all. Every bit, big to small, is extremely important for me right now!
One problem I am having is getting and keeping food down. I found that very simple ingredients healthy type food goes down the easiest. My friend Cody turned me on to that! as well as my buddy Mike! of which I appreciate both greatly. So if anybody has any suggestions, preferably a direct source with cheap/free shipping like Amazon works best. Info is fantastic too! If you work in any similar industry and want to donate samples / other / more… I’d happily accept just let me know! Sea Moss is the next thing I want to try. Sounds gross, looks meh but it seems amazing. We shall see. Right now I’m barely eating so I’m open to ANYTHING!!! Living mostly off boost shakes. Not optimal but doing the job for the most part.
With that I need to get back to the 3D printer. Trying to hit a deadline, keep moving and keep my mind busy. So best wishes this holiday season to you all and everyone in your lives. You are all EXTREMELY APPRICIATED!!! and much love my friends! Until the next installment…