Here we are number thirty three! Let’s just jump right on into this one. I’d say it’s going to be short but heck, ya never know where my mind is going to take me. Firstly we’re gonna talk about the donations. You folks are literally saving me with all the donations. My bank account was negative and now it’s getting back to positive at least. The Amazon list is awesome! Seems there’s a few old friends that keep emptying it out!!! I was worried cause stuff was disappearing but I now know it’s the peoples, the wonderful peoples! Here in the next few days the postal lady is gonna be like WTF! The direct donations or donations from websites of your choosing have been just out of this world and I’ve only gotten two boxes so far. Heck yesterday an old friend of the family/my momma sent me SIX! nice soft warm hoodies, TWO pair of new jeans (those now 2 of the 3 pair I own with no holes) so I needed them. SOCKS OMFG SOCKS, two big things of socks. I’m actually wearing every bit of it now. The fantastic cuffed soft warm athletic (sweatpants), the lovely socks and the soft wonderful hoodie. I feel so warm, comfy and for once in a few weeks more hopeful than normal. I haven’t been able to get any new clothing for a long while so everything I have is fairly worn out. So these boxes of things, clothing, Amazon and monetary funds to help with the day to day are really helping my outlook stay positive. From the very bottom of my soul thank you all so very much I appreciate and wish you / your families much love!
Medical update! hooray…. lol. Well between a few folks and myself I’ve now figured out I’m having frequent or back to back panic attacks. Really bad ones. I’m also having these times where my body just crashes and I basically pass out for minutes to hours. I think that’s just my body saying you’re pushing to hard OR it could be medication related. I get into my GP next Tuesday! So happy for that. I’m also going to ask for the referral to the new neurologist that day from her. Maybe she will listen unlike the PA who I do not mesh with very well. Tremors were bad yesterday even with meds so we’ll see how they are today. My mind was in and out yesterday too. I had great moments of clarity and then nothing but fog. It can be so frustrating. The pain is at an all time high so I’m at an all time high trying to combat that… for those of you who didn’t get it, that was a marijuana joke! Yes I smoke cannabis concentrates to help pain, rigidity, depression, appetite and more! It does work for some, not for others. I try to stay with an even nice mix of THC and CBD. I’m waiting on some edibles a friend is going to bring by to see if that method works better!?! I’m excited to try! I’m sure some of you don’t support cannabis but to me it’s better than the alternative, pills… which destroy my body, mind and appetite. So judge me if you will I care not. I do what works for me, not what works for you. I hope everyone understands that and knows it doesn’t make me love you any less for not supporting that part of my care. I totally understand, just kindly disagree. That being said, I hope the next few days are better, I need some medical / feeling better wins.
As for everything else… well I’m working on as many projects and attacking this income problem from every direction I can. Things are selling, so that’s good! I still need a few tools to create but they are hundreds of dollars and that’s just not in the “budget” (haha what budget) right now. I’m trying to play the hand I was dealt but it’s a difficult one. I’ve noticed my mind is very delicate right now. The smallest bads or goods can create massive emotions. It’s mostly due to my lack of security and quality of life. Which my quality of life improved yesterday with the new warm clothing for winter! I’m a person that all my life has had a predisposition to worry and over plan. Now that my life is the exact opposite of what it use to be and I no longer have those abilities, currently it’s frustrating. It’s almost like my mind is fracturing apart due to lack of security and structure. Uggg and I miss all the things, mountain biking/climbing/hiking, jumping from planes, riding my bike, just being able to drive over to a friends and say hello or go to the store (any place without a helper). I’m what you would refer to as a social butterfly and not being able to spread my wings has definitely taken it’s toll on me. I’m going to try my hardest to get out and off the property this weekend.
I’m going to try and do a couple creative updates and start a new section of the blog this weekend. It will still be listed in the blog just under a different title. I want to start video but I’m going to get things under control before I do that… I also still need to get the gallery section on the website too. I’ll get things done faster once I find that little bit of security.
Overall I woke up feeling like death but with a more positive outlook / feeling towards things. If I can keep getting support until the lawyers can get my disability figured out, I might be ok! That’s better than pending doom so… improvement! Which is awesome! It doesn’t take away all my current problems but it gives me something to hang on to. It let’s me know there truly is hope for the future!
So as always stay safe out there. Do something healthy for yourself today, take a walk clear your mine, skip a soda or candy bar, eat well, exercise… just do something for you. Words can no longer describe how much I appreciate you all. My heart is full of love today and it’s such a wonderful feeling. So I’ll spread that to you, much love my friends I hope your day is beyond fantastic!