Good day! Here we are another entry into the journey on dropKAG.com. This one comes a little later than expected. Had a med change Thursday. Between that and just plain old ups, down and not feeling well… it just kept getting later, kept saying I’d do it here in a bit but it just never happened. Sorry for that and so here we are Saturday morning. Let’s see where my mind takes this one…
First off the last two days have been a doozy. Let’s talk about the med change. It was something I wanted and something I feel will work. The doctor suggested an even more extreme change than I wanted so I think the balance of power (that’s what I call my meds more on that later)… so the balance of power has shifted and my body is slowly adjusting to it. Every time there’s a change in my medication regime it does this. So here’s the funny thing about that, it’s like a joke. In the beginning you can’t tell if it’s going to be really funny or really bad. Well part way in you could still feel either way. It’s not until you actually receive the punch line, then you know if the joke was actually funny and “worked” or NOT. So at this point I’m feel’n a bit rough but not horribly bad so this could go either way. So I’m half way though the joke still waiting on the punch line. Oh what a joy in life. Here take the red pill AND the blue pill, oh hey take this purple and green too let’s see what happens. Sometime when it works I feel like it was so acutely calculated. The times it doesn’t I feel like it was medication roulette… big loser! So to end this section on a laugh I call it balance of power because without my medication I have no power to do anything mentally or physically. The medication gives me the power to walk, talk, move, function and more. We’ve been slowly adjusting the dosage or balance of those meds. Hence the balance of power! I really hope this try works unlike the previous, what seems like millions, changes(tests).
So no visits yesterday. Just went and picked up meds early after the normal morning stuff. Started out feeling rough, ended up feeling about the same. Not good but not horrible. Which is about how I’m feeling now. I didn’t get much done. I did a little of this and that, but nothing major. Spoke to a few friends, did some more decals. If I did more I’m currently forgetting. I woke up really groggy with a headache. I assume I didn’t drink enough water yesterday and or something else might be up. I’ll drink extra water today and try to keep my self moving. Hopefully by tomorrow I’ll know how this new change is going to set in. Today I don’t know what will come. I’ve got a list of things to do and I’m just going to attack them as I feel the ability/energy to do so. I’m going to try and make it a great day!
I’ve been so conflicted by this project I’ve been working on. It didn’t work out the way I wanted. In the end it ended up in my favor, but sometimes you just can’t feel right about that. Even though I’m broke, in a horrible place in life and feel like hell most of the time, it doesn’t give me the right to anything more in life. I just feel like honesty and being fair is important. I wanted to do that. Someone else wanted to be generous but sometimes that generosity stems from the wrong place. I felt overcompensated for some issues and I dislike that… sure it’s nice but fair is fair. I try to uphold certain standards in business and one of them is to make sure everyone I work with is well taken care of. Ok enough venting on that. Again, generosity, worked out to my advantage that’s just not exactly what I wanted. It wasn’t bad just wasn’t the correct solution in my eyes. I gracefully accepted after pushing back a little and decided to move on. I only have so much energy and stuff like that take a lot.
Speak of which… I try to be extra nice to folks these days. I lost a lot of friends after I got diagnosed and started having a hard time. It wasn’t easy for me so I’m sure my constant complaining and abuse of those friendships caused all of the losses. I mean some people are just shit but that’s not that case most of the time. This leads back to lessons I’ve learned and still learning from project to project. I make missteps and then realize where things kind of possibly went wrong. Hopefully track down what caused that and I’m slowly trying to eliminate this issue. Each project I run no matter the size and or product is getting smoother much quicker than I anticipated so that’s great. I examine life with a fine tooth comb and it really changes my perspective sometimes after giving stuff serious thought. We don’t realize how much is actually missed on our day to day snap decisions. I know they’re not all that important and know we can’t take hours to make small decisions. I just think there’s opportunity on certain decisions to take more time and try to do better. Ok well that was confusing enough I assume… onward.
Where to go from here. Lawyers doing lawyer stuff. More visits from in home care folks next week. Looking forward to that, as they are all wonderful people. Think I’m going to take it easy this weekend, whittle down my to-do list as much as possible. Do what I can when I can. Try to make it a fantastic weekend!
As always, it’s crazy out there so stay safe and be smart. Thank you for joining me on another installment of my journey and much love my friends!