Double post Day 5 and 6!
Basically a day sort of lost. Lots of ups and down, did a lot of talking to try and settle my nerves but I’m as tense as it gets. Still having a hard time eating. They day went by quick, nerves are kinda shot, didn’t even feel like making an update so here was a quick one. Day not so great but tried by best. Made progress and did get some good news but I don’t know if I can make it work… My Parkinson’s was out of control all day so it was just a total uphill battle day.
Day 6… getting denied by disability.
I woke up this morning feeling numb, lost, unable to fathom what’s going to save me at this point. I’ve got so many things going on my mind is spinning. I find myself needing more frequent breaks and getting overwhelmed easier. Overwhelmed is my new favorite word I guess. Yes I know, sit down take a break, take some time, rest, let your mind reset… No time for that. The luxury of time that most people enjoy I no longer have. To put in the most basic terms I feel like I’m fighting for my life and essentially I am. It’s hard to tell what’s set it and what’s not. I feel anxious constantly and can’t make it go away which is not fun. I think I have one feeling under control and then I spin out in another direction. The days blending together and I feel a bit crazy. I think it’s because of all the uncertainty. Today is “I just don’t know…” day. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to start, I kind of want to just take a day off but feel like if I do that things will crash and burn. I know that’s probably not that case and even though my body is literally dying for it… I just can’t seem to stop trying to find a path. A way out of this mess. I want to create this morning but my hands are barely able to type this. (yep one solid block of text sorry) So just sitting, thinking and having a cup of coffee.
THE GOOD! well let’s end this with what’s good because that’s what the focus needs to be on. So much help! I can’t tell you what it means, all the donations. Every little bit buys me another day to figure out this mess and save myself. It may sound funny but the good and bad are like rocks on my chest, lots of good the load gets lighter and I can move/function. Lots of bad the load is just too heavy for me to deal with. The fund raiser has been so great at lifting the load off it’s actually one of the main reasons I recovered as quickly from the bad news of getting denied. I’m trying to focus on a Kickstarter to raise funds next. I’ll be offering some really cool fish pins and stickers so I can “fish” for some more donations… I’ll post more details hopefully soon! It’s a constant battle to survive and funds to do so is basically the most important part and that’s what I’m lacking. The designs I’m uploading are selling a bit, “The Great Pumpkin” has gone viral of sorts with the Red Oak crowd and that really warms my heart. Thank you! Other then that I’ve got a list of other options for survival but all require investment that I just don’t have so I’m trying to figure all that out! It still sounds silly to me but one day at a time! It’s always one day at a time suckers 😆
#parkinsonsdisease