Well I guess I’ll start on my frustration with Facebook. I have no idea how my posts keep defaulting to “specific friends” and why no matter how many times I change the settings I have to change each individual post. Parkinson’s is killing my IQ I thinks… anyway on to the update. I ensured this and all the previous posts are now public if you want to read back and have a look.
Here’s a quick little note. I honestly can’t ever remember what I write from day to day… thanks #parkinsonsdisease but instead of trying to further a story I just go with what I can remember, what I’m thinking and how I feel.
So today let’s talk about how I feel. Still scared. I still don’t see a way to survive for anywhere between 6 months and possibly years (thanks disability) without finding and income. Yes, I know, I seem hyper focused on that but I can’t just go down to the local McDonalds and apply even. My disease and meds prevent me from doing so. I can no longer work in my career field also because of my disease and the meds. So I’m limited to finding work I can do from home. The skill set that I still have left allows me to create wonderful things. This not only makes me happy, it warms my heart when my creations are enjoyed by others. So that’s the path I want to be on. I’m just trying to find a quick way with no capital to start making an income that way which is beyond difficult. If I had investors, a business plan and time I could still probably build a decent little operation but I don’t so I have to find another ways to reach my goal. I’m just not seeing the full path yet. I hope that changes soon because it would make a hell of a difference for my health. That stress is making things way more difficult.
Right now my plan is to invest in an 3D printer or two. I say two because I really want the Elegoo Saturn but I just got an offer to test an AnyCubic Photon S for cheap / essentially for free possibly. Again time, questions and a little money. I’m going to try and start with that offer since the Photon S is available now and the Saturn is on back order until next month, maybe longer. That would allow me to start creating faster. So that’s my absolute current goal above and beyond… continuing to create, digital designs, painting and drawing while I still can, photography and other creative stuff.
My life’s been filled with lots of new people, Nurse Hillary, Erik who does PT and Nancy who does OT and I think there’s a 4th but I’m forgetting what he does exactly, I think general social worker. On top of that I’ve done online paperwork, in hand paperwork, phone interviews and more. With all this new movement, information overload and all that comes with it I’ve been a bit triggered, as in constantly. Hard to control my emotions and mind. I’m trying my best but it’s a lot to take in and it does take up a lot of time. Leaving me even less to find the, again, income I need so badly.
Medically I’ve been doing horrible. Stress and anxiety have been ruling my life. Thank goodness I finally got some decent normal sleep with the help of some meds. I literally felt like I was going insane. Still not sleeping right without meds, so that’s a problem. The pain has been off the charts 6 to 8 out of 10 over most of my body. My blood pressure and heart rate have been extremely low. I have a call with my doctor at 9:30am of which I think the nurse is coming over at 11am so it’s going to be a full morning with chores and the couple things I need to get done. Anyway, still not eating right. It’s become an actual problem now. I’m going to talk to my doctor about some kind of shake that will help give me nutrients and maybe help me gain some weight back. Being scared, worries, nervous, anxious and stressed is making what use to be hard to eat, almost impossible to feel hunger or eat at all. Again, living in fear sucks. For some reason though I dream of biscuits and hamburger gravy every morning. One day I will find the joy of having that breakfast! Until then just bananas and granola bars because I can’t cook really in the travel trailer I live in and wake up a bit to early to go inside to cook. Plus I don’t even know how to cook… so yeah.
Anyway, yesterday was better but not good. I got errands done in the morning with the help of a friend. Meds, groceries, propane (it’s getting cold, winter is coming and I’m very worried), UPS store and the hardware store for some nuts. Trying to get things fixed up and up to par as fast as possible but due to lack of funds and ability I won’t make it. I fear it’s gonna be a rough one this winter out here in this thing. I know that all this extra movement and work is wearing me out fast and making me hurt way worse. Just gotta power through the fall and I guess wait to see what winter brings…
Well I think it’s time to get the day started. Going to further warm up my hands with some video games for an hour, then finish a design for a friend. By then will be the doc call and after that the nurse, then lunch and I’m sure by then it will be nap time. That dictates the rest of my day. Sometimes I sleep just an hour or a little longer, sometimes a few hours, sometimes I miss dinner don’t get back up and sleep until morning. From what I can tell my body and mind just wear out fast and need to be recharged more often. All these new people are helping me work on extending those times to give me a better quality of life. In the end, even my hardcore focus on income is just so I can have a decent quality of life. I’d just like to live sort of a standard life and have a decent quality of living. I’ve worked hard all of my life since I was young, I feel I deserve just a little in return….
Ok not proof reading this one so I’m sure there are gonna be errors everywhere. Try to get through it 😆🤷♂️…
I apologize my FB went silent / private for a few days, still working on figuring that out but it won’t happen again. I appreciate you all. Much love and be safe out there… and yes I’ll be sharing my fund raiser again like every morning. You’re pocket change could be my next meal, supplies for art or even underwear 😆 MUCH LOVE! 🧡
#parkinsonsdisease